I'm so Hollow
by MariskaRose
Summary: SongFic: What will happen when a secret Elliot has been trying to keep hidden comes threatens to come out due to someone terrorising his closest friends and loved ones? Will he tell and face the disappointment...
1. Chapter 1

_A/N:_ Please read and review this. I don't know how you'll all react to this, you might not like it, but please let me know what you think! I really appreciate it. The summary explains later chapters as well. The song is _GoodbyeMy Lover by JamesBlunt_Ok i think thats all! Please be nice! Thanks

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* * *

Did I disappoint you?_

_Or let you down?_

_Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?_

* * *

" I got another letter." Elliot muttered. The normally brave and strong detective, looked quiet and withdrawn. His physique was slumped and weighty. He looked up at his Captain. Cragen's face was tight with thought and a glum seriousness filled the contours of his face.

"Elliot, this is the sixth in as many months now. Each more threatening than the last." Cragen spoke quietly still in some thought.

"Come on Captain. I'm only telling you this because I owe you the truth. I've kept it from you until now but the kids, Olivia." Elliot tried to make light of the Captains concern but he couldn't make it work. Cragen raised an eyebrow.

"What's this one say?" he asked.

"That I should watch my back or and I quote 'you will find that the ones you love will really feel the weight of my anger. Don't piss with me Stabler. You owe me.' end quote." Elliot recited.

"Elliot this isn't just threatening you now. But the people you love. The kids, Olivia; you gotta make this official." Cragen told him. "You gotta tell Olivia at least, and let Kathy know."

Elliot shook his head, furiously.

"If I tell them they'll panic. Kathy will never let me see the kids again. I just felt I should tell you now that's all, I don't think anything's gonna happen." Elliot said.

"I dunno Elliot," a familiar voice from behind him. Elliot wheeled around to see the all knowing face of Dr Huang. "The rage of these letters is becoming more intense, its only time before they crack and hurt someone."

Elliot looked doubtful. He wasn't a lover of psychologist; he Elliot Stabler liked hard evidence, firm facts, solid stuff.

"We'll be fine." Elliot snapped getting up and walking out of his Captains office. This was ridiculous. As much as he'd seen terrible things, horrendous things in SVU, he never thought he'd be stalked. _No of course not, _he thought, don't_ be ridiculous._

"Olivia, hey, I got our next case…"

* * *

Later that night Olivia and Alex walked in to Olivia's apartment. They'd been to a bar after work and wanted Ben and Jerry's. Slightly drunk they staggered up the stairs giggling like schoolgirls.

"So Olivia Benson, what's the craziest thing you've ever done?" Alex asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know Miss Cabot," a devilish grin spreading across her face.

"You'd show me?" Alex asked, cheekily. They stopped walking and laughing. Silent. They watched each other for a second, the feelings in the air changing. A small smile played on Olivia's face and they both exploded with laughter. They got to Olivia's door. It was open.

"Shit," Olivia, snapped, "Susie'll have, got out." Her frow furrowed.

"Susie?" Alex asked as they entered. Olivia flicking the hall light on.

"My cat. It's a cute name." she explained at the look on her companions face.

"It's very cute. I'm gonna use the bathroom." Alex said.

Olivia took her coat off and walked into the kitchen. A pot on the stove was bubbling away, Olivia gulped ,she didn't have a pot like that. Her breathing quickened. She walked slowly over to the cooker, adrenalin coursing through her body. _Someone's been in, _she thought_ while I've been away._

She peered in and nearly died as she saw the boiling water surrounding her cat. It's boiled skin red, and blistered, eyes wide and claws out. Olivia screamed. A long ,piercing, soul chilling scream of horror…

* * *

It was 12am, Elliot had been home for a half hour, after being out with his colleagues. His phone trilled and startled him breaking the silence of his lonely place.

"Hello…" he said, wondering who could be calling so late.

"You had your warning. Hope Olivia, likes her dinner." A rasp said.

_

* * *

I saw he end, before we'd begun,_

_Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won._


	2. Shards of Glass

**A/N I'm sorry it took so long to re-post but i accidentally disenabled my reply notification so i didn't think anyone had replied! Thank you soooooooooo much...! Please read and review...**

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* * *

_

_Touched my heart, you touched my soul_

_You changed my life and all my goals_

* * *

Elliot knew she was mad. She hadn't spoken to him, like it wasn't hard for him. He'd felt ashamed that he'd hidden the letters from his partner and now her beloved cat was dead. Olivia had stayed with Alex for a few days, to get over the shock.

"Elliot," Cragen called from his office. Elliot jumped, pulling him out of his thoughts. Olivia looked up and quickly looked down as she caught his eye. Elliot stood and walked over to his captain. He entered the office, closed the door and sat down.

"We intercepted another letter. It had a picture of you and the girls in." Cragen stated.

Elliot's eyes widened, panicked. Since Susie the cat all Elliot's mail was being intercepted.

"We put a tail on your family, everything's fine a t the moment." Cragen hastily added. He looked at one of his best detectives deeply. Elliot's skin had become permanently pale; the bags under his eyes were deep. He nodded.

"Thanks Cap'n" he answered. "I appreciate your honesty." He got up and left the office. He slumped at his desk, held his head in his hands. He was exhausted both physically and mentally. He was scared for his family. His beloved children, the people he worshipped were being terrorised. This had to stop.

"Elliot," he heard a familiar voice whisper. A wave of warmth flooded through his body. He looked up. "Is there anything I can do?" Olivia asked.

"You can find the guy." Elliot winced at how snappy it sounded. "I'm sorry 'Liv. I'm so sorry, I just I need your support, please forgive me." For the first time ever, Olivia Benson saw Elliot Stabler cry. He couldn't control it and he was too tired to fight it. She held him, awkwardly at first. He didn't even mind that the rest of the station was watching.

"Look at me," Olivia ordered after a minute. Elliot obliged. "This isn't the Stabler that I know. You're stronger than his and by God Elliot when we catch the guy you can look him in the face and you can tell him you weren't afraid, you stood strong." Elliot knew she was right. He took a deep breath and made the decision to fight again.

"She's right Elliot," Huang said from behind. "You gotta stay strong because otherwise he's winning." Elliot knew why he felt like this. His home and business were being mixed and it scared him beyond doubt. He pulled himself together, knowing he could fight it with the help of his friends, those who touch his heart and soul.

* * *

Munch drove back to his home from work. He'd never seen Elliot break down like that. He'd kind of expected it though – it happened to everyone eventually, the job got to them. It was a shame though. Elliot was amazing at his job.

He pulled up out side his place and got out of the car, wearing his somewhat compulsory sunglasses. He walked up the stairs thinking about Elliot. He rounded the corner and placed the key in the lock. The door swung open. He entered and took his jacket and glasses off. He slipped his shoes and socks off, force of habit from growing up. He walked in to the living room. A sharp, slice cut at his feet. All over his feet felt white hot with pain and then wet and sticky. Munch shrieked and swore. He stared down. His white carpet became covered in blood. Shards of carefully lain glass were strewn over the floor, he walked right through it. He really felt the pain as the blood really started to flow… "Shit," he muttered………

* * *

"Elliot," the raspy voice taunted over the phone, "Do you think Munch enjoyed his walk in the park?"

_I know your fears and you know mine,_

_We've had our doubts but now we're fine._


	3. Countdown

_Goodbye my Lover, Goodbye my friend_

* * *

Elliot sat in the waiting room of the hospital. Waiting for the nurse to give him an update on Munch's injury. He'd called Olivia. Called Captain and Fin. They were coming. He heard the distant tap-tapping of heels on the hard floor, and looked up.

"Olivia," Elliot choked. The shock of Munch paralysed him, he couldn't stand. She ran over and sat next to him, an arm around his shoulder, and a hand wrapped around his. He sobbed.

"How's Munch?" Olivia asked softly. He didn't answer. "Elliot how's munch?" Olivia spoke more harshly this time. He looked up.

"I don't know yet." He muttered. "It's not critical but it's not been simple."

A nurse walked over followed by Alex, Fin, Huang and Cragen. They smiled grimly.

"How's Munch?" Olivia asked speaking for them all.

"If you're meaning John Munch, he's going to be fine." She smiled as some consolation. " There's been damage to his feet, and he lost quite a lot of blood and passed out form shock but he's going to be fine." She informed them. Everyone smiled with relief.

"Can we go see him?" Elliot asked.

"Of course, he's awake now, just don't tire him out."

* * *

Thegroup walked in to Munch's room. He smiled wryly at them, his feet over the top of the blankets, heavily bandaged. The atmosphere was tense. No one really knew what to say.

"At least I kept my model looks." Munch joked. Olivia giggled.

"Oh yeah…sure thing there M." Fin joked back. They sat around the bed asking him for information: what had happened? Had he seen anyone loitering about? The police thing. Munch knew nothing. He thought and racked his brains for the sake of Elliot rather than himself but he knew nothing. After an hour the nurse came in.

"Time for my sponge bath?" Munch asked hopefully. The nurse looked up.

"Of course Mr Munch. Anything for you." She teased back. Everyone rolled their eyes and got up to leave. Elliot had said nothing. Throughout the whole thing.

"Stabler, wait a minute." Munch called straightening himself up. The nurse left to grab new bandages. Elliot stopped and looked, waited back with Munch.

"Elliot, I want you to know, you're one of the best damn cop this place has seen, but if you've come to the end of the road, then you've arrived. If you stay for the sake of it, you'll destroy yourself and the ones you love." Munch told him kindly. Elliots eyes filled slightly.

"I'm fine," he told him. "It's just the past few weeks have been tough you know, but in a bit it'll be fine." Munch looked unconvinced.

"Just promise you'll leave when its time. Don't be afraid it." Elliot nodded.

* * *

Alex, Huang, and Cragen were headed to Fin's house for a few 'celebratory drinks that Munch was going to be ok. Elliot and Olivia were headed back to her home. He was staying there, for support for both him and her. Fin opened the door to his apartment and they walked in happy.

"Nice place Fin," Alex remarked, surprised.

"Yeah it's a surprise." Huang said. Everyone laughed. It was smartly furnished – quite trendy really. They all sat in a circle and started playing a game of 'I Never'. They never heard the small bleep that sounded in the kitchen. They never saw the small timer counting back from 3. They only heard the bang when it was too late. They only felt the pan when it was too late. The whole building shook. The kitchen shattered, Alex, Fin, Huang and Cragen, strewn in the living room, bloodied and battered.

"Elliot, I got lucky tonight. 4 for the price of 1. How's chargrilled cop sound?"

* * *

_I still hold your hand in mine, in mine when i'm asleep_


	4. Shattered

_TAHNK you for the reviews - glad you like it...XxX just if you don't tell me just be constructive!

* * *

Ive been addicted to you, you touched my heart you touched soul_

It was the heat that Elliot first noticed. It was tearing at his skin. He looked around and noticed everyone was now downstairs, outside with Olivia except Alex. She was lying on the floor , she'd been closest to the kitchen.

"Alex…?" he called, but his throat burned and stung. He dragged his body up. The kitchen was covered in a thick black smoke, the fire alarm ringing. _At least that thing works _he thought. He kept low and stumbled over to Alex, checked her pulse. She was alive.

"Alex sweetie wake up," he whispered in her ear, tapping at her face slowly. Groggily she opened her eyes, moaning softly.

"Good girl, come on, we gotta get you outta here," he whispered. He went to pick her up and carry her out.

"What happened?"" she mumbled… eyes closed, holding on to Elliots neck.

"We'll explain later, Olivia's waiting downstairs for you," he carried her quickly. He looked at her face, it was soft and calm, but he noticed her breathing, The sharp intakes of breath scare him the most. If she didn't get emergency treatment, the smoke would kill her.

HE hurried down the stairs and rushed outside. Ambulances had just arrived and were treating Huang, Fin and Cragen..

"Hey, over here!" he shouted. Two paramedics rushed over, breathing equipment in tow. Elliot stepped back as Olivia rushed over taking a hold of Alex's hand. They placed her on a stretcher and manoeuvred her to a waiting ambulance. They pushed her in. Olivia looked back at Elliot unsure as to what to do – whether to go or not. He nodded in assurance. She jumped in the back as it sped away.

Elliot ran back over to the other members of his team. Cragen and Huang were ok. They'd been further away from the blast, a few cuts some quite deep but they'd live, with stitches. Fin was a little greyer. A dark slash covered his face, a dark lining of soot covered his body. They quickly drove him off to the hospital, followed by Cragen and Huang.

"I'll catch up with you." Elliot said. He jumped in his car with a quick look back at Fins apartment block. Fire fighters were working on his apartment. He pressed the gas.

Due to traffic problems and the speed the ambulances travelled Elliot got 45 minutes later. He raced through the corridors of the hospital, running to get to his friends. He first found Huang, Cragen and munch, who'd obviously heard the news and wheel chaired himself over. They were sitting by Fin's bed, whom Elliot was pleased to see had woken. The sombre looks on their faces told him all he needed to know. The tear stains on their cheeks, confirmed it.

"Oh god, no…" Elliot spluttered, the tears already falling down his face. He swung wildly around, searching for Olivia.

"Yeah, she died in the bus," Olivia whispered as she entered the room behind them. Elliot ran over and hugged her tight. Olivia cried loudly in his chest. They lowered their heads in respect.

"I'm so sorry."

* * *

It had been 3 months since the death of Alexandra Cabot. Nothing had really been the same. As much as they often pushed her to get what they wanted, she had been a member of the team. Friends. No one had been the same. All were reserved. Olivia rarely said anything, and that hurt Elliot more than anything.

He hadn't heard from the 'stalker' since, except from a few gloats at the death of an attorney. Forensics from the apartment had found nothing, other than the fact that the bomb was only meant to destroy Fins apartment. Fin felt guilty for her death – it had been his apartment, it was meant to kill him.

Huang knew it wouldn't be all; there'd be more. He told Elliot, but he was too numb. Kathy stopped him from seeing his kids, he had nothing. They were all there for each other and Munch always tried to lighten the atmosphere, but any laughter they had was quickly subdued from pain. Their new attorney – Roscelyn Meadows was nice but no Alex.

The final message was clearest and the one they'd expected in the beginning. It was a summer day, Elliot was stood at a window, a sharp ping of glass as it shattered and fell to the ground. A look of stunned disbelief on Elliot's face as he looked down and saw a small red dot appear and grow on his chest. The gasps of breathe he took as his breathing became sharp and staggered. The look of horror on everyone else's face as they raced over but they couldn't stop him hitting the cold, hard floor as darkness washed over him…

_Goodbye my Lover, Goodbye my friend you have been the one, you have been the one for me..._


	5. Why?

* * *

It was the day after Elliots shooting. The whole team were beyond stunned and shocked. No-one said anything.

Olivia walked in to the CSI lab head high. She walked looking for the familiar face of Stacey Hannigan, the CSI she trusted the most. She found her staring at a bullet. She knew the presence of Olivia and told her before she asked.

"The bullet, had interesting marks on. Mainly the one that said, 'Gotcha El, Billy Mathers' engraved in was the most interesting." Stacey said looking up. Olivia's eyebrow raised. She was tired and everyone could tell the last day had been exhausting.

"Billy Mathers is our perp then." Olivia simply stated, swallowing. "Thanks Stacey." Olivia turned and walked away.

"Olivia, " Stacey called. Olivia turned. Stacey smiled faintly, water forming n her eyes.

"I'm sorry about what happened." She said. Olivia gritted her teeth and nodded. She turned and walked on.

* * *

Munch, Olivia and Fin were sat around Cragen's office as their Captain spoke to the attorneys office. They found the link between Elliot and Mathers. Cragen got off he phone. They looked each exhausted, sad and shocked beyond belief. They hadn't slept since the shooting. None of them could until the perp was behind bars. New glass had been put in the frames – everything was back to normal - almost. It never would be really. Olivia was still minus a cat, Fin scarred for life, Munch's feet still ached and they were missing an ADA. Elliot, well what had happened with him was still raw, they couldn't think about it… it hurt too much.

"We got the warrant," he told them. "A substitute ADA will meet you at his apartment." They didn't need anything. Fuelled on revenge and adrenalin they ran from the building into the cars and to Billy Mathers' apartment. All Olivia knew was that he was going to pay for what he'd done. Jail for a long time. Olivia hoped it would be enough for themselves – no one destroyed the lives of her friends like he had, onlyto get away with it. No one.

* * *

They jumped out the cars and met Rachel Hannigan. She had their warrant. She nodded. Guns became upholstered as they stealthily climbed 4 floors of concrete steps. They reached 34B and knocked on the door, shouting the mandatory:

"Police!" No door opened no movement inside. Olivia motioned for them to break it down. Fin happily complied. The door crashed open. They moved swiftly in each taking a room. Munch moved in to the living room. A balding man sat in a chair in front of a television.

"You took your time." He sneered.

* * *

The funeral shocked Olivia to the core. It seemed so final. The end. She couldn't believe Elliot Stabler was dead. The bullet had killed him straight away. Punctured his heart; his kind, caring, loyal heart. She couldn't cry or grieve properly until Mathers had been arrested. She hadn't shed a tear until then. After that it flooded from her. She cried for hours at a time, until her eyes were raw and her throat ached. She'd told Kathy and the kids. Maureen and Kathleen screamed on the spot. The twins cried. Maureen was devastated. She'd give her dad a hard time but she loved him so much. Olivia had to leave before she broke down. Munch, Fin barely spoke. They were broken. Cragen looked after them all. Helped them through it, supported them. He was in shock. Never cried, but the others knew he felt it. It was the haunted look he held in his eyes.

It had taken ages to find out why he'd been killed. During Elliots first month on the job, he'd been assigned to a case. Members of the force were being attacked. Elliot missed a clue. A big one – something that would have ended it. Mather's ended up losing a partner and girlfriend. He blamed Elliot. Elliot blamed himself for their deaths. He'd reassigned himself to New York sex crimes in attempt for anonymity – Mathers had found him and destroyed him for revenge. A fresh flow of tears left Olivia's eyes as she recalled the reason for his death. A beautiful person had been taken from the world. He'd punished himself everyday for what had happened. In retrospect she knew that. The sad look that followed him, his resistance of talking about his past.

She looked around and saw the faces. At the edge of the graveside. Kathy, Fin, Munch, Cragen, Huang. All their, sharing their grief. The kids weren't. They couldn't cope. They didn't want to see their hero of a dad being lowered in to dirt. She couldn't blame them. It killed her inside. It was only a little while ago she'd buried her lover and now her best friend. She let the tears flow freely, shuddering silently. She looked at Kathy as the first bit of dirt was thrown on the wooden coffin.

"Oh god..oh god…please god no…" she spluttered in between sobs, her knees gave way underneath her, a howl escaped her lips.. Cragen knelt beside her, holding her shoulders… The things she wished she'd said: Thank you, how he was the greatest man she'd ever met, how no man compared to him, how….

"Oh god why…." She mumbled.

The stone:

_Elliot Stabler,_

_Friend, Father_

_May God reward him for his good deeds and Angels protect his spirit._

* * *


	6. Goodbye my Lover, Goodbye my Friend

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?_

_Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?_

_'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,_

_Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won._

_So I took what's mine by eternal right._

_Took your soul out into the night._

_It may be over but it won't stop there,_

_I am here for you if you'd only care._

_You touched my heart you touched my soul._

_You changed my life and all my goals._

_And love is blind and that I knew when,_

_My heart was blinded by you._

_I've kissed your lips and held your head._

_Shared your dreams and shared your bed._

_I know you well, I know your smell._

_I've been addicted to you._

_Goodbye my lover._

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one._

_You have been the one for me._

_I am a dreamer but when I wake,_

_You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take._

_And as you move on, remember me,_

_Remember us and all we used to be_

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile._

_I've watched you sleeping for a while._

_I'd be the father of your child._

_I'd spend a lifetime with you._

_I know your fears and you know mine._

_We've had our doubts but now we're fine,_

_And I love you, I swear that's true._

_I cannot live without you._

_Goodbye my lover._

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one._

_You have been the one for me._

_And I still hold your hand in mine._

_In mine when I'm asleep._

_And I will bear my soul in time,_

_When I'm kneeling at your feet._

_Goodbye my lover._

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one._

_You have been the one for me._

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow._

_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

**A/N: Hope i didn't upset too many people with this but i always write stories where everyone's ok, so i wanted to try this. This is of no reflection of Elliot Stabler or Chris Meloni because i think they're both awesome, i just wanted to do it...**

**Thanks for the AWESOME reviews especially, everyone XX**


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